TWENTY WAYS TO MAINTAIN YOUR SANITY
TWENTY WAYS TO MAINTAIN YOUR SANITY
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on
and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they
want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in".
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone
has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual
favors".
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the
prophecy".
8. Dont use any punctuation marks
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after
they answer.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera (or to the classical station on
your radio).
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of
jungle sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend
their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name,
Rock Hard Kim.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I
won!" "3rd time this week!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking
lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!"
19. Tell your children over dinner. "due to the poor economy, we
are going to have to let one of you go."
20. Dress up like a pilot, go to the airport lounge and get
drunk like hell.
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